The almighty SPARK!

When was the last time you felt the spark for someone? Did you start dating the person who you felt the spark for? Was it mutual? Did the relationship work out? Do you chase after the next spark? How quickly does the spark fade? How often does the spark grow into a bonfire? Is this “spark” something you can explain?

I had dinner with Mel last night. He told me he didn’t feel a spark for me, that was what the problem was. This is what I thought it was all along, so this is nothing new. What did come to light is how he compared me, and everyone else to Darla when we met. He probably continued to do it until a couple of months ago. I will have to ask him. Now he compares every woman he meets to me. This is a recipe for disaster. I’m not sure if he sees it, but I do. Will either of us find someone else if we keep comparing? Will either of us feel “the spark” for someone new with the comparisons? I think this is what happened between Mel and I. He was looking for someone better than Darla, but I am not better than Darla, I am different than Darla. Like Mel said last night, he and I look perfect on paper….politics, religion, retirement, business, fun, acceptance, finances….but he doesn’t feel “the spark”. He feels sexual desire for me but not the spark. He doesn’t want to have sex with me because he knows it will change everything. What he may not be considering is that everything will change when I go back to dating. I will have to give him up because the comparisons will have to stop. As long as he is filling part of what I need (from my future love), I will not find a man to fill the empty places I need him to fill. There are only a few options that I can see:

* We part ways
* We have sex and everything is fantastic
* We have sex and part ways
* We part ways and Mel feels the spark for me

I can only remember one time in the last 25 years that I have felt a real spark. It was with truck driver Matt a few years ago. The chemistry and magnetism were so strong, my skin felt electrified, I could hardly breathe, let alone put two words together. The first time and every time he touched me, it was amazing. I could have died a happy woman in his arms. That lasted 3 months and it burned out. I cried everyday for 3 months after we broke up. This is life.

People grow on me. Do I think my feelings for Mel are real? Yes, because I know him, I trust him, I feel safe with him. I have fun with him. I think for the most part, he wants to make me happy and he does make me happy. Life is complicated and if I can’t make him happy then I need to be on my way….spark or no spark.

“The closer we get to what we truly desire, the more obstacles we place in its way.”