2018 is supposed to be an amazing year. I hear according to the Chinese calendar, this is a big one! Near the end of the year (2017) a really terrific guy, George, told me he couldn’t make me a priority so wouldn’t be able to see me anymore. I did appreciate his honesty and found sadness on my door step again. I liked him and had a great time getting to know him. This post isn’t about him or that relationship. That post will come at another time. This post is about how I came up with my new game plan.
George enters my life late October. He is successful, mature, single, and fun. He’s lived in this town his whole life. One of the lessons I took from that relationship is where to find more men like him. George doesn’t go clubbing or hang out in loud bars where you can’t hear people talk. George likes live music, wine bars, neighborhood places, and classy dive bars (is there such a thing?). He is very social and he has a lot of friends.
In September I started on my journey to focus on being in a long term relationship. I felt ready to attract a high quality man, since I am myself, a high quality woman. I definitely felt a shift in my energy and outlook. I started to back off from some of my male friends and focus more on myself. I have said for a couple years I was ready to have a long term relationship, but men that didn’t meet the standards for an LTR were sometimes taken as lovers. This was fun and exciting but very empty. I was not meeting high quality men because my energy and direction were distracted. I met a few very successful men but my words said one thing and my energy said something different.
Around the time I met Mel (my nerdy neighbor) and George, I became firm in what I was looking for. No longer was I afraid to say I want a long term relationship but even ready for marriage with the right man. My life was stable, happy, full of love, and bright. I was over all my past relationships, had clear but flexible boundaries, and I trusted my own judgment. I was free and open to what life had in store for me.
As the year was winding down, I started considering my goals and intentions for the previous year. I decided to rededicate myself to some on my 2017 list; sleep at least 7 hours each night, eat a low carb diet, get fit, and read a book a month. I considered what I wanted to do for 2018. Here are my new game plan items:
- If I am going out, I should go places that successful men my age would be. I love wine and food so I should go to wine bars and places you can talk and get to know someone.
- More live music instead of “clubbing”. There is nothing wrong with clubbing but I have yet to meet a quality man out at a club. I know some great ones are probably there but I wouldn’t be able to talk to them even if they were.
- Spend more time with my core group of friends rather than spending a lot of time with groups of acquaintances.
- Make dating and relationships with good men important and a priority.
- Support experiences that make me happy. Be open to new experiences with new people.
- Clear out reminders of my past; the things that I don’t need and don’t feed joy in the present.
- Make room in my home and life for someone special.
- Join the gym.
- Be brutally honest with myself and others.
- Be vulnerable, open, soft, feminine. Don’t apologize for it.
I am 6 weeks into the new year. I joined a gym (and I have going), I’ve been to wine bars a couple times, said no to large group gatherings, went to several live music events, went to the art museum twice, moved out old items, practiced being vulnerable and honest with a man, was brutally honest with myself, accepted help, made one on one time with some of my closest friends, and I am staying true to myself.
My life is a twisted mess right now due to being 4.5 months into a 6 week remodel. The contractor is making me crazy and it looks like I may have to go it alone. I am constantly trying to center my energy and keep fear low. I am struggling with anger and stress. My house is ripped apart and I am scared. This will pass but I am being the squeaky wheel right now and it doesn’t feel good. I’ve got my big boy pants on and I’m going to forge ahead. I doubt if any man would want to be with me on this ride…I will find the one that does!