Three year plan – moving first steps

I have felt for over a year that change was coming….and I didn’t know what. In the course of the last few months, since returning from Italy at the end of October 2018, several people I have spoken to feel the same way. This feeling has prepared me to be open and looking when it looks like change is here. The first step might be at my door.

My guy came to me a couple weeks ago and said we needed to talk about our three year plan. This didn’t come as a surprise since for a year he and I have been brainstorming what it would be like to leave our jobs. Do we have a definite plan on what we want to do? Nope. This wouldn’t be just leaving our jobs, but what it would look like working on our own terms.

In my case, I won’t be able to retire in 3 years without getting a side hustle and socking a ton of money away. It wouldn’t be the end of the world to have to get another job, but now is the time to build something I can take with me wherever we may land.

For my guy, once he turns 55, he has many options. One big one, he won’t have to worry about health insurance. Lucky guy, then again, putting in over 25 years at one job is a big deal. He is as smart as a whip and is in IT. He can consult and/or do whatever he sets his mind to.

Together, we each own a house. I’m only a couple years into my 15 year mortgage, he only owes 1/3 of his home’s current value. I rent part of my house to tenants and live in the other part, this covers my fixed costs (mortgage, insurance, taxes). We both live pretty frugal. We both know what it means to have a plan and goals.

We have discussed what each of us need to do to sell or rent our homes. I would likely keep mine as it is right now, rental, and it still provides a place to live. I have a few projects to complete inside my house. The yard needs some repairs (retaining walls) and cleaning up. He could go either way on his house with some repairs and yard clean-up.

The big question comes on where we want to live in 3 years. Our current area, Portland, Oregon, has an elevated market. Real estate is high, property tax is high, and it just doesn’t seem like the best place for retirement/starting new for us.

I have a dream of having a wine bar, he has a dream of opening a different kind of brewery. We both love meeting new people and listening to their stories. We both know how to work hard, we both know how to manage people. Should we look for a place to make these dreams come true? Should we look for a parcel of land or income property? So many different paths we can take.

Another big one; my guy will become my business partner. Whatever we decide on will probably lock us in….maybe longer than our relationship lasts. I have no reservations to whether our relationship will last or not. I am a realist though and I know what can happen. I don’t see any signs of “us” failing. I feel happy, loved, and most of all, I feel understood. I can imagine spending my days with him and the fun we can have along the way. These are all good things.

So our first steps:

Decide what kinds of properties we are looking for
Find a realtor that can search for us (since we live 6 hours from Spokane)
Get pre-approved for a loan

Do I feel fear? Yes! Do I feel excitement? Yes!

February 6, 2019

No decision is a decision

We met almost a year ago. We hit it off. You were sleeping with your business partner who turned out to be your girlfriend. If you are sleeping with someone and you want a future with them….they are called “girlfriend”. I asked and you were honest. Thank you for that, I could make a decision based on truth.

Why did I continue to see you when I knew you were emotionally and physically attached to someone else? You stirred something inside me that had been dormant. I put you in the “friend zone” because there were two choices; friend zone or goodbye. There have been windows of time we crossed the “friend” line, but not so much that things changed.

You have been my friend, my helper, my travel buddy, my cheerleader, my encourager, my thought provoker, my inspiration, and my sounding board. You have listened to me rattle on about whatever book I am reading, whatever crazy idea I might have, how I want to change my life, my plans to find freedom, retirement, what is going on in my family, my struggles, and the longings of my heart. You have given me a strong hand to hold, tight hugs, and a place to relax when my house was torn apart.

You have provided me so many opportunities for fun. Road trips for cars, parts, trades. Camping in a tiny trailer to look at old trailers. Evenings at nice restaurants, drinks at dives. You meeting my friends and family, my meeting your friends and family. Car shows, parks, garage sales, swap meets. I love your bugs, buses, and all the partly assembled vehicles sitting around in an organized fashion.

What was dormant in me? My entrepreneurial spirit. The thought of being able to start something great, come up with ideas, and eventually execute was buried deep where it was left when I got divorced. I was in survival mode for a few years, on to building a new life, and finally to stability and security. Now I have room to think outside the box and you have helped me expand it.

September 2018 is here and as we talked about future travels and endeavors I realized we have to stop doing this. We are not together, we are not a couple. We are both very single now, but there is no “together” in sight for us. We drew a line in the sand on Monday….to date or not to date each other? I am willing to give it a try, but you are not. The tide came in and the line is gone. You say you might make the decision when I get back from Italy. I told you that you don’t ever have to make a decision, eventually the decision might be made for you. No decision is a decision.

The stakes are high. I laid down my cards and opened my heart to you twice. Both times my cards have been left on the table. I can feel the risk and my own fear and excitement. I feel the twinges of rejection, but maybe it is just disappointment. I haven’t allowed myself to dream of a future with you. I have dreamed of a future in the right relationship. I do love you, but I am not in love with you. I’m lucky for that! It was my hope that dating would stoke the fire.

November will come and I will pick up my cards. I may not be willing to gamble at your table any longer. I don’t want to say goodbye, but I know that as I search for the right relationship, I might have to. Time will tell and I believe things will fall into place as they should. Maybe you find your person that fills your empty spots and loves you for you. I hope to do the same. Maybe it is you and me, maybe it is not. I love you just the way you are, I appreciate you, I am proud of you, you make me smile. You are a good man, you are a unique person, you are a builder, you are smart, you love people, you love process. May you always be you! XO

September 6, 2018

Less is more?

Is less the new more? When I got divorced I moved what I could into my little apartment and rented a storage unit. I think the unit was 4x8x8 and I had it stuffed to the top. Part of my feelings of security was in the stuff shoved into that room. When I moved into the next apartment, I had a little more room, so part of the stuff came out of storage. And so it went until I was able to afford a place big enough to keep most of it inside with a very small storage area on the deck. Throughout the years there were some things I left behind; 7′ lit Christmas tree, half my patio furniture, and a few other items here and there.

When I moved into my last apartment with the little storage room, I realized I probably didn’t need to keep ALL the Christmas decorations I had been toting around. I had never had all the things out for the last 5 years. I also whittled down my books to a mere 6 boxes.

I bought my house in August of 2015. It was a LONG way from move in so I had 2 months to get my things ready to move. BUT, I also had a lot of work to do at the new place. My new house was twice as big as my apartment….wow, I could stack all my sh*t inside! My mom came to help me get moved and she was shocked how much stuff I had stashed in my apartment. In the new place, it looked like it had doubled. It was spread out all over the place. When I moved into that apartment, I moved on Friday and had company over on Sunday. Everything had been put away quickly.

This move was different. I still had a lot of work to do before everything could find a real home. I had stuff stacked in the basement, in the living room, in the bedrooms. The only places that were ready to roll were the kitchen and bathroom. I was planning on renting out the largest bedroom so that one was perfect and clutter free. The rest….disaster! A month in my house it looked like Goodwill and Home Depot both exploded inside. It was a crazy time but I found places for everything (all those boxes of stuff). I was going to rent the garage out, so I didn’t stack anything in there. I rented my basement out also. I had a 2076 sq.ft. house but I used 1,236 sq.ft. I shared living space with another person also. I had the equivalent of one bedroom to myself and a bunch of stuff stored in the other sloping ceiling room and storage room.

The first year in the house I updated the basement; it’s rented. Second year, I anticipated a remodel upstairs. I had all this space with a sharply pitched roof so the space you could stand in it was very little. I had a bunch of stuff stored in the area that you had to crawl to. The remodel created the need to downsize the stuff. My garage was rented and I knew I had too much stuff. I had to mentally let go of whatever had kept me moving the stuff for 7 years. Was it a sense of security, of not wanting to let go of the person I used to be, or not giving up the happy or painful memories that those things carried?

Five large tote bins of fabric….first to go. Hard, yes! Gradifing, yes! Then I went through my shoes; 10 pairs gone. Half my clothes, gone. Tons of other things. Last Christmas my daughter hosted Christmas in her house for the first time. I took 90% of the decorations and left them there. Will a couple of the things ever make it back into my house? There’s a 50/50 chance.

The remodel is almost complete. I haven’t looked at most of the stuff that has been in the garage for over 6 months. It is easy to say that I probably don’t need most of it. It will be harder to let go of it. Several boxes are filled with pictures of my kids and keepsakes. The pictures will be getting digitized when the rain starts again and each of the kids will get a disk and their share of the hard copies. The keepsakes I’ll go through and see if any of them can make their way into the light so I can look at them. If the kids want some of the items, they can store them. I will take pictures of some items then donate them.

The thought of less stuff and more space does make me feel good. Less stuff is more mental clarity, more physical space, more emotional relaxation, and more spiritual trust. Less is more!

May 4, 2018

First steps to less

I have known for several years that I can’t make it another 15 years doing what I am doing. I hope to make it two more years where I am so I can be vested in my current job. Time will tell and my game plan may change.

I have been on a journey to learn to live with less. I scoured Pinterest to figure out how to fit more into my space. The reality is, I just need less stuff. I got rid of a bunch of stuff last year; piles of books, half my clothes, tons of shoes, boxes of fabric, and knick knacks that meant little to me. I still have a long way to go. My daughter is going to have a garage sale this summer and I am going to take many things there. Whatever doesn’t sell will be donated.

I read some blogs and listened to some podcasts on how stuff holds you back mentally. Some said I haven’t found my person because I have too much stuff (mental and emotional clutter). I look around my house and see many things I have hanging around that are left from my marriage or ex-boyfriends. Those things will be going to the garage sale. I don’t have room for the memories they bring unless they bring me joy (like my kids). Mentally and emotionally I need to cleanse my space.

I am in the middle of a remodel gone bad. There is stuff sitting everywhere and on top of that, my daughter just moved home from college (with all of her stuff)! We are sharing a room and it is cozy. Construction is moving forward now and I hope I am in the new room in a month. All of the things for the remodel are in various places around the house and garage. This makes me feel very unsettled. Another reason to get rid of more things….I don’t really need everything!

Reading books and watching Ted talks only goes so far. I need to do it! I wonder how I got so much stuff in the first place. I guess I thought I needed it or someone got it for me because I needed it. Do you know how hard it is to get rid of stuff someone else bought for you? Ten times worse than trying to get rid of stuff you bought for yourself! I fall prey to the old, “I might need it one day, it might fit one day, I might read it one day, I might do something (knit, sew, create) with it one day.

I read the book, “The Year of Less” last month. I love what she says about keeping things that aren’t who we are right now. We buy the suit because we think we should look more professional. We buy the book because the person we think we should be would want to read it. And on and on. This conveys the idea that we aren’t happy with the person we are right now. Or as Brene Brown says, it keeps us believing we aren’t enough. I need to find the place in my heart, mind, and home where everything that I keep is “enough”. I am “enough” despite what the messages from the outside are telling me.

Cait Flanders, “The Year of Less” author got rid of most of her belonging then set out on a journey for a year to buy very little. She had a list of things she could buy but nothing else. It was a struggle for her on so many levels. When shopping, I have to ask myself the question, “do I need this right now?” Likely the answer is NO! She saved a ton of money and realized she still had more than what she needed. I have a goal to use up all the stuff I have before I get anything else….like that lotion that smells good or the Dawn soap on sale. DO NOT BUY IT! Sit tight, use up what I have and go to the store when I am one use from being out (I don’t do this when it comes to toilet paper). The clothes don’t serve me if I don’t wear them, if I don’t look good in them, if I don’t feel great in them. Why am I keeping them? Scarcity mindset?

Scarcity
Hoarding
Abundance
Enough

What do these words mean to my life? Scarcity; do I hold on to things because I think I won’t be able to afford more? Hoarding; do I keep all of them because I like them/it and can’t release them to a new owner? Abundance; do things overflow in my life? Enough; do I rest easy knowing I have everything I need and not too much?

I just realized I will have to come back to my deeper thoughts on these things.

So, these few things to set me on my way to realizing I need to make white space in my life.

May 4, 2018