Evening with strangers – the beginning

Last summer I was reading a book called, “Your Money or Your Life”. The book is awesome and I highly recommend it. The author challenged dreams and desires. She said to dig down deeper to figure out why we have certain dreams and desires. So I did just that and a MeetUp was born.

I have always loved to travel. I am curious about the world and how different cultures work. This is probably why I love meeting people. I dream of travel, seeing new lands, meeting new people. I’ve pictured myself in foreign lands, living in a village, getting to know the people and their ways. In the process of digging deeper, I realized this basic desire comes from the fact that I love meeting new people. Yes, I love seeing new places, but I can find those all around me, the states close to me, and the country I live in.

My mind shifted to; how do I meet new people outside of my dating life? Plus, I didn’t want to be dating the rest of my life. I could join some new clubs, scour Meetup for groups I would be interested in, or just have people over for a meal and talk. The first thing that popped into my head was “Dinner with 10 strangers”. I could host a quiet meal with questions that would open people up, let them drop their walls, and really share. Yes, this is what I wanted!

I kicked around the idea with some friends that were less than enthusiastic about me having strangers in my home. I talked to my guy (who wasn’t my guy at the time) and he was on-board and intrigued. He asked about the questions I would ask, I came up with a list. He asked how it would be mediated, I wrote up some guidelines. Boom, it started to come together.

By this time, I was getting my house back in order after my 2017-18 remodel. My house was still a disaster and I was gearing up to go to Italy. My heart was in a bit of turmoil thinking I wouldn’t have Mel around when I got back from my trip. The last thing I wanted to do was to get tied to him in my scheme. As fate had planned, Mel and I were together when I arrived home. Yay!

Mel tied me down one evening and said we should create a MeetUp group, Dinner with Strangers. Unfortunately, that name was taken by someone on the east coast. We settled on Evening with Strangers instead. We hosted our first event on December 5th. We had 4 strangers for dinner. It was a fun evening, just the way I was hoping. We had a second and third potluck with 1 stranger and 2 strangers. All good times!

We hope the attendance will grow. We have invited people we know since the questions we ask give a deeper understanding of people. Answering the questions myself, out loud to others, has given me insight into my deeper beliefs and longings. I feel like I am getting to know myself and Mel better. It is a really good exercise. And exactly what I desire; I’m meeting new people and seeing how others think and feel.

February 14, 2019

Navigating grown children while dating

I’ve been divorced for almost 9 years, April 15, 2019 is the anniversary of when the paper was signed. I started dating slowly when I went “back on the market”. Online dating in 2010 was much different than it is now. I had a few significant relationships along the way, some lasting as little as 3 months. I learned much while dating. I learned a lot about myself, human nature, and what I wanted. Most of the time it was fun, sometimes exhausting.

My kids (3 of them) are grown now, they are all on their own. My youngest will be 21 in a couple months. She is in college and the only dependent I have left. Both of my daughters live relatively close by….it is nice to see them for dinner or on a whim. We all have busy lives and try to make time when we can. My son lives in Las Vegas and he gets a phone call when we feel like chatting.

Dating when the kids were younger was much different than it is now. The question of whether the guy was going to meet my kids is a thing of the past. In the early days, I would wait until I thought I had a significant relationship with the guy, then he could meet my kids. My kids met 3 men in the first 5 years. I think my kids disliked them all. My kids thought one stole me away from their dad, a couple were really old, one was crazy and moody. To be fair, a couple were 10-14 years older than me, one did turn out to be angry and moody, but the accusation that one stole me from their dad, absurd.

My kids knew I was dating and as they got older and I became more relaxed with dating, the lines were blurred. If a man offered to cook me a meal and my kids showed up, they met him. One short-term boyfriend was in the same area where I was celebrating Christmas with my family. I invited him over and he spent the afternoon with my whole family. AND it wasn’t awkward. That same man popped in and out of family stuff for a month before the relationship ended. It might have been the first man my kids really liked.

There have been brief meetings of men and my kids throughout the years. One I thought was going to be a brief relationship has turned into a 4.5 year friendship. He has rented my basement for the last 2.5 years. We don’t spend very much time together these days, but he is always welcome to holidays I host. My kids didn’t like him at first but they see he has a good heart and they have gotten used to him.

The guy in my life now was my friend for a year before we decided to have a relationship. He has 3 grown kids and a handful of grandsons. I met his son and parents before dating started. He met and spent time with my daughters also, even met my parents too. Now that we have an established relationship, I have met his daughters also.

The life of now navigating through this time with all of our grown kids is so much different than it was 9 years ago. My guy’s daughter told me I could take over the job as grandma. She asked me what I would like her sons to call me. I told her grandma was fine though my grandson calls me Nana. She chose Nana.

My daughter told us we couldn’t move. Who would be around to watch her kids when she and her husband decided to have some? News flash girlie, your momma works and couldn’t watch your kids like your Oma was able to watch you. This has been a struggle for me to consider as my kids have grown.

Both of our youngest daughters are not really involved. A lunch or breakfast here and there, that is about it. His son and girlfriend we see the most. They spend a lot of time at the house which I enjoy. In all, the kids are good people. They haven’t met each other yet and someday we might try to make that happen.

My family has accepted my guy. I feel happy and it makes things much easier. They expect him to be joining me when they want to see me. I think his family feels the same about me. It has become this comfortable and warm place. I feel grateful. My kids can be themselves and so can I.

How will things go in the future? I’m only guessing good things will happen. Kids will be kids, even when they are grown. My hope is when the kids meet, they will enjoy each other’s company. What more could a mom hope for? They don’t need to be friends or buddies. Boy, am I thankful they won’t have to share a house!

February 7, 2019

Three year plan – moving first steps

I have felt for over a year that change was coming….and I didn’t know what. In the course of the last few months, since returning from Italy at the end of October 2018, several people I have spoken to feel the same way. This feeling has prepared me to be open and looking when it looks like change is here. The first step might be at my door.

My guy came to me a couple weeks ago and said we needed to talk about our three year plan. This didn’t come as a surprise since for a year he and I have been brainstorming what it would be like to leave our jobs. Do we have a definite plan on what we want to do? Nope. This wouldn’t be just leaving our jobs, but what it would look like working on our own terms.

In my case, I won’t be able to retire in 3 years without getting a side hustle and socking a ton of money away. It wouldn’t be the end of the world to have to get another job, but now is the time to build something I can take with me wherever we may land.

For my guy, once he turns 55, he has many options. One big one, he won’t have to worry about health insurance. Lucky guy, then again, putting in over 25 years at one job is a big deal. He is as smart as a whip and is in IT. He can consult and/or do whatever he sets his mind to.

Together, we each own a house. I’m only a couple years into my 15 year mortgage, he only owes 1/3 of his home’s current value. I rent part of my house to tenants and live in the other part, this covers my fixed costs (mortgage, insurance, taxes). We both live pretty frugal. We both know what it means to have a plan and goals.

We have discussed what each of us need to do to sell or rent our homes. I would likely keep mine as it is right now, rental, and it still provides a place to live. I have a few projects to complete inside my house. The yard needs some repairs (retaining walls) and cleaning up. He could go either way on his house with some repairs and yard clean-up.

The big question comes on where we want to live in 3 years. Our current area, Portland, Oregon, has an elevated market. Real estate is high, property tax is high, and it just doesn’t seem like the best place for retirement/starting new for us.

I have a dream of having a wine bar, he has a dream of opening a different kind of brewery. We both love meeting new people and listening to their stories. We both know how to work hard, we both know how to manage people. Should we look for a place to make these dreams come true? Should we look for a parcel of land or income property? So many different paths we can take.

Another big one; my guy will become my business partner. Whatever we decide on will probably lock us in….maybe longer than our relationship lasts. I have no reservations to whether our relationship will last or not. I am a realist though and I know what can happen. I don’t see any signs of “us” failing. I feel happy, loved, and most of all, I feel understood. I can imagine spending my days with him and the fun we can have along the way. These are all good things.

So our first steps:

Decide what kinds of properties we are looking for
Find a realtor that can search for us (since we live 6 hours from Spokane)
Get pre-approved for a loan

Do I feel fear? Yes! Do I feel excitement? Yes!

February 6, 2019

January 2019 gone already

Warning: this is a dry post! lol

Where has the month gone? Swept away by the tide of time! So what have I accomplished in January?

*Slept almost 7 hours or more every night
*Didn’t drink 3 nights every week
*Finished my staircase project (woohoo!)
*Went to Spokane and found an antique chandelier for my dining room and rewired it
*Got a new housemate
*Saved $500 to go into savings (I have to get an account set up)
*I have access to all my retirement and savings account, everything now feeds into Personal Capital
*Drank my ActivatedYou Morning Complete every morning
*Made a plan to reduce cow’s milk consumption (I am highly reactive to cow, buffalo, and coconut milks)
*Walked 3x per week outside my walk to the train
*Stayed low carb for 90% of the month (I had a few downfall days)
*Kept up with #MindSetReset
*Tracked my spending
*Enjoyed being in a healthy, loving relationship with my guy

In all, January was a good month to get things rolling. I need to print out my goal sheet for February. How quickly I forget what I have on it!

A couple of projects I want to get finished in February:

*Complete sanding and painting on window and door trim downstairs
*Remove and install new baseboard trim in main bathroom
*Finish baseboards on main level
*Get bids for fixing my driveway retaining wall (or bite the bullet and prepare to do it myself)
*Hang chandelier and outdoor motion light
++If I get those things done, maybe recover a club chair I tried to paint (epic fail)

A big project that will keep me busy for a couple weeks will be to organize and scan in all of my pictures. I have 3 tote bins full of albums and loose pictures. I want to get them all organized by year to start. So many pictures of the kids and their art work. A lot of things will be discarded (I have lots of duplicate pictures) and I may look differently at all of the art that has been accumulated through their school years. Anyway, I don’t want to think about it now! When the list above is completed, then I will move on.

January gone! Hello February!

February 1, 2019